Loosing the heartbeat

I feel it, the guilt now
It washes over me
Resides in my consciousness it's complicating me
All that you had to say was never get to close to me
I might have thought my actions through
My rash decisions will prove that now it's all too late

Below the surface is where this hurt lives
I cannot mend I just divide
Inside, it's mine

I'd like to think that I could damage you from within
But I gave up and it's obvious some things go way past sin
Caught in the undertow, a victim of a counterblow
And now I'm back with these shattered nerves and emptiness that I deserve
Now it's all too late
Wishing I could move time

Just get, just get out
Now I, must live without
Can't seem to fix what I've broken down
Worn out and now, I just don't care
Stripped down to the girl I must repair
You made me do things I didn't like, unfair
Now you forget what I tasted like
And you pretend out of spite
Did you forget the depths of my eyes as you stared and said you wouldn't compromise?
Trying to take what you wanted most, you didn't even come close
Now I will stand here in control and never fall again
And never fall again

Important

The radio is playing our old song again
To remind me of times when I thought
The day would never end
I knew this was coming
I thought I could change this
I knew you weren't coming
But that's what insincerity brings me

Visions of you

I have to tell you
I think that I've been haunted
I want to find you
Because I think it's you who haunts me
I never trusted that you would fully come clean
But now we're even because I don't think you trust me

I felt that something wasn't right
You never let me in your life
I knew that something isn't right today
Because you still haunt me

But I know
Because you still haunt me

I have to tell you
I think that I've been haunted
I want to find you
Because I think it's you who haunts me
I never trusted that you would fully come clean
But now we're even because I don't think you trust me

The radio keeps playing our old song again
To remind me of times when I thought
The day would never end
I knew you would go
Because things just haven't been the same since that day
Was it because of what I said?
I knew this was coming
Thought I'd have power to delay certain change
But that's what insincerity brings me

Sense enough

"Those eyes those eyes that saw something no kid should never see. Those kids eyes looked into me looked threw me it's the worst thing I'd ever seen"

Today something hit me something that I try not to think about but when it happens it really bothers me. I hate it when someone you care about lies directly to your face. And honestly being lied to really is not that bad. Because being lied to means you don't know the truth. And then there the truth can't hurt you. But I'm stuck here remembering how it feels to be lied to when you know what they were saying is in fact a lie. But what's worse then even that is being lied to...then fighting out "later" that it was a lie. Nothing stings more. Nothing so unforgivable but yet...I forgive the ones I should not forgive.

It's a plague

Flaw

Disappointed - Obsolete. inadequately appointed

I've got a complex about who I am...or well who I appear to be. I know who I am what I like and what I want. But I can't know what I'm going to be feeling everyday of my life for the rest of my life. Everyday is a new day. But I like to move I like to sway. Fallout is nice and fuck but it's drama I can't relax because of the people. And the only time I can is when I'm on the floor by myself swinging, stepping, swaying, dancing. But I would like to enjoy that kind of experience with people that are important to me. Sometimes I do at fallout but it's always the same ol' same ol'. I want to be out of my element and just dance. I want to sweat and express my feelings. And be something other then who I am. I want to be the girls other girls stare at because I'm experiencing more threw the beat of a song then they have during every sexual incounter they have ever had. I'm never intoxicated or self medicated. I'm just high off the energy running threw my veins. Threw the base threw the beat.

I've noticed that voices thrill me. I mean I've always known it but I have come to realize it more so now that I'm older. I'll be moving my hips to a beat then the words will come out in such a sexual tone that I'll tilt my head back and breath heavyer. It's a new way for me to please myself. Sounds so weird when I read it over but it's true. My pulse beats faster but breathing faster but deeper. And if the right person came up and touched me the right way or said the right thing. I would have them against a wall so fast. Expressing my feelings threw my body language. And or my mouth... Maybe I need to get laid...Yes I think thats it.


"Whatca gonna tell her after she discovers you don't really love her"

Moments like these

I'm at a moment and it's moments like these were the world is spinning and I have no escape. I have all this amazing stuff that I want to write down late at night. But I get in bed I just don't want to move. And then end up coming to this block....This block I'm in now. Maybe something will come to me within the next few minutes.