I'm at that point where I'm doing things out of spite. I'm unhappy with a lot going on in my life. It seems like I can't control it no matter what I do. It's this spinning effect like at a theme park. But only I want it to stop. This constant back and forth back forth above the ground it's getting old and the truth is I just want to put my feet down and feel something....Feel anything. It hard living day to day with these emotions. They sometimes can be heavier then any burden I've carried. I used to be so strong willed, Dominant and had that whole "I don't give a fuck" mentality but now I tend to be more sensitive then anything. And it's driving me so insane. I'd give anything just to feel what I used to. Just simple moments of udder bliss. The feeling of being wanted of being important. What I would give. My personal needs aren't met my self confidence is shot to oblivion. And all I can find myself wanting to do is to run away. I had more to say but .....my lack of constant thought is making it hard. Until another day.